Dear Co-worker

Dear coworker… sweet sweet coworker,

You are insane. A nut, loon, screwball, whack job…a snickerdoodle if you will.

Oh no, it’s not your constant grunting like Serena Williams on the tennis court at your computer.  It’s almost adorable the way you yell out “DAMN IT” and nearly make me pee my pants.  It’s those moments that keep me on my toes, and I love you for it.

It’s not the fact that I am pretty sure you are a meth addict, who wouldn’t want to spend an entire two hour trip to see a client listening to you talk about enrolling your child in school and the entire trip back listening to you talk about strip clubs.That was quite fascinating by the way, you are a true connoisseur of strip joints and their peelers.

It’s almost adorable the way you yell out “DAMN IT” and nearly make me pee my pants…

Personally I find it lovable the way you panic during demos and trainings with clients, and start complaining about our company and your computer to them.  It shows that you are not afraid to be you.  To let it all hang out.  Who cares if that client ends their business with us- they needed to know how much you don’t like the IT department.

Some would make disparaging remarks about how you dress- calling you a slut, a street walker, a jezebel, perhaps even a whore.  But not me.  It show you are willing to sleep your way right to the top.

Of course the fact that you haven’t slept with me, only proves your shrewdness.  I can only presume you have more important people in corporate to meet with.  Remember- putting your cleavage in someone’s face is a bargaining tactic.

So keep your head held high- sure you are annoying, abrasive, an addict and wildly inappropriate at work- but you are completely worthless in the field of marketing.  And that, my dear, is what makes you special.

Love,

The guy who has to put up with you

This article has 6 Comments

  1. I’m sorry you have to deal with this, Doug, but this post seriously cracks me up. I agree with Michelle that you state quite a few things that I’d like to say to certain people. And love: “….a snickerdoodle, if you will.”

  2. So she show cleavage, talks about strip clubs, dresses like a stret walker, is possibly a whore, and has some issues…she sounds like my type–you got her number?

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